Stephen's Ass
It has been noted several times that when Stephen's ass is not covered by a Brooks Brothers suit jacket, it may be observed that the seam of his pants crawl up his crack, defining his large, manly buttocks. This has been known to cause female fans everywhere to imagine what it must be like to hold onto them during sex. Stephen himself has also wondered what it would be like and has embarked on a project to clone himself. So far the results of this cloning process may be seen in the form of Mini-Colbert, who checks tickets at "The Colbert Report". Stephen also attempted to clone himself in 2000, but it ended up as this hideous thing. Stephen has also contemplated cloning Charlene. Interesting Facts About Stephen's Ass * farts sound like angels singing * has the power to create diamonds from ordinary coal * was also awarded an honorary degree from Knox College * eats Bears for breakfast * Bullet proof * has a 50in plasma display screen with dolby 5.1 surround sound * it powers the province of Ontario,Canada and the rest of new england * it has 4 superpowers: telepathy, bullet shit, mind control, and bear strangle * Speaks 56 languages including wookie * CLEAN * TIGHT! * Smells like roses * Stephen's ass has two Assholes * It calms warthogs. * University of Cambridge scientists use it to calibrate their instruments. * It is 102% muscle. * It brokered the recent peace treaty in the Liberian Civil War. * It was voted "Sexiest Male Ass in America" in 2002, 2003, 2005, and 2006. * It has suffocated 93 bears between 2005-2006. * It invented the light bulb. * "Shake that ass for me" was invented while someone was looking at Stephen's ass. * It is so big there are debates as whether to name it an official mountain or not. * It beats up hippies. * It saved Jesus' life 41 times. It only let him die the last time, because Jesus told it that his death was necessary for mankind. * Stephen's Ass is so potent, it has been scientifically proven that ovulating women can get knocked up just by looking at it. * Stephen's Ass could kick Superman's Ass, even if Superman's Ass had the help of Wonder Woman's Ass. * It will one day cause the Sun to explode and destroy the earth and everything in it... Except for Stephen's Ass. * Stephen's Ass can part water. * It wrote 7 #1 hit singles. * It saved the human race from aliens on 12 separate occasions. * It frequently rescues kittens from trees before the firefighters are even sliding down the stripper pole. * It often replaces Chad Smith, the drummer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, in the studio. * It has the power to hypnotize the Godless into jumping off cliffs. * Has been to dinner with every single president to date. * It's the only thing in the world strong enough to kill a burtle, and has won a fight against seven of them at once. Every burtle involved died a terrible death. * To this date, nobody has ever had an ass that is more wise than the ass of Stephen Colbert. * Kills those who caught the gay. It intends to kill every single one, so if you caught the gay, you better go get married to a woman, and have lots of kids * It's very real, unlike (reportedly) that of Paul Dinello. * It once wore an Oshawa Generals jersey. * It's very tight, like a tiger * Has its own timeshare. * A recent poll has stated that it is the good-est of its kind in the world, excluding that of Papa Bear's. * It is rumored that Chuck Norris' ass is frightened of Stephen's ass. See Also * Perfection * Gravitas